Is Being Friends With Your Ex Boyfriend A Good Idea?


You’ve heard the friend speech before. It’s notorious among couples everywhere. For some reason, your guy decides to sit you down one day and tells you that he thinks you’re better off as friends. He probably came up with a lame excuse that you couldn’t wrap your head around because you’re fixated on the word “friend”. All his other words kind of ran together into a pile of mush. The friend speech is the perfect way for guys to disentangle themselves from a romantic attachment without having to completely sever ties. They see it as a no-lose situation. You see it as a no-win situation. It appears that you’re at an impasse. You may be so desperate to not lose your guy completely that you’ve even agreed to be his friend.

Maybe staying friends seems like a good plan. You already know each other pretty well, and you share some common interests. You have a bond already so you won’t have to work at that. Maybe you think that by keeping yourself an active part of his life, you’ll have a better chance of winning him back. He’ll realize the error of his ways as quickly as he decided to leave you. You think that it will be a simple step to go from being just friends to boyfriend-girlfriend again. What’s the difference? It’s just the process in reverse. Sorry to rain on your parade, but it just doesn’t work that way.

The harsh reality of the situation is that if you stay friends with your ex-boyfriend, you are ruining any chance you had of reestablishing your romantic relationship. You cannot stay friends with an ex – especially an ex that you’re still in love with. No breakup is entirely a joint decision – one party is always hurt. One person will still harbor romantic feelings for the other. As much as you may want to convince yourself differently, that’s the reality. Being honest with yourself now may help you avoid a lot more heartache down the road. If you attempt the road of friendship, you’ll only grow to resent your ex for not seeing you the same way. Then your friendship will fail just as quickly as your relationship did.

Reasons to Avoid the Friend Zone

It’s never easy to watch someone you love walk away without you. You envisioned yourself at his side, and you thought it was going to last. But he’s moving into a new chapter of his life now, and he’s doing it without you. It’s an inevitable part of the process for him to start dating again at some point. You may pretend to be supportive for a time but faking happiness gets old quickly. If you’ve remained friends throughout this process, seeing him move on with someone new will feel like breaking up all over again.

Can you even picture what it would be like to watch your ex hit on another girl? Can you see him pulling all the moves he tried on you with someone else? It’s enough to make your heart stop, isn’t it? Do you feel any sense of joy that he’s found someone else? Of course not. It’s all you can do to not rip that imaginary woman’s hair out by the root.

It’s natural to feel that twinge of jealousy – he’s moving on with someone who isn’t you. It is impossible for you to remain objective about this situation – it sucks, and it’s time to face the music. The only reason you’re even entertaining the possibility of remaining friends with your ex is because you want to stay as close as possible to him. You think that closeness will make a reconnection more likely. It’s not going to happen.

The worst part is that you’re going to want to be his friend. That way you don’t have to face the reality of not having him in your life at all. You think that having him as a friend is better than losing him completely. All this accomplishes is that you put off the full weight of the breakup until later. It doesn’t make it go away. Delaying the inevitable can only make things worse in the long run. As much as you may be hurting because he broke up with you, you have to face those feelings and deal with them. If you don’t confront all those painful emotions now, the inevitable failing of your friendship will hit you twice as hard and you’ll have even more unnecessary baggage to deal with then after the fallout.

Facing Your Demotion Realistically

If you and your ex remain friends, he’s getting everything he wants. He’s having his cake and eating it too. He gets to keep you in his life and doesn’t have to give up any of the things you two shared together or the support that you give him, but he’s still free to date or sleep with other women. For him it’s the best of both worlds – but it isn’t fair to you.

If you remain friends, he will write off the possibility of getting back together. He has you as a friend and things are going great. Why risk it? He will equate your romantic relationship with fighting and arguing and equate your friendship with fun. He won’t want to go back to the way things were. He’s relegated you to a lower position, while being able to actively seek out your replacement, and you’re simply letting it happen. He isn’t obligated to see you, talk to you or respond to you whenever he wants and he doesn’t have to take responsibility if he blows you off.

Three Reasons He Wants to Be Friends

If you’ve ever wondered what’s going on in your ex-boyfriend’s brain, these three common reasons to actively pursue the “friend zone” may shed some light on the subject.

1) He’s trying to spare your feelings

Your guy isn’t as brave as he thought. He can’t stand facing you and breaking up with you completely, so he’s taking the easy way out. He’s probably feeling incredibly guilty and uncomfortable with the whole situation so he’s avoiding what he really wants and going for option number two. He thinks he’s making this easier for you and therefore easier for himself.

Truthfully, he’s not going to make a very good friend. He’ll stick around for a while before finding an excuse to become more and more distant. He’ll take longer to respond. One day, he’ll just stop altogether. He’s just finding an escape hatch without having to completely close the curtain.

2) He wants to keep an eye on you

Your ex doesn’t really want to lose you completely. He may be interested in pursuing another interest and he wants to leave his options open in case things don’t work out. But the single life can be alluring, and time will only make him more comfortable.

While he may be better about keeping in touch in this scenario, it will fade over time. He will start to see you as just a friend and almost forget that you two were ever an item. At that point, your chances are over. You’ve already moved too far away from your romantic relationship to retrace your steps and get it back.

3) He still wants your physical intimacy

Everyone knows that guys don’t always use their brain to think and that sex is a huge part of their everyday thought process. If he’s feeling lonely after the breakup and doesn’t relish the prospect of finding a one-night-stand, he may be keeping you around to fill that need until he can find someone to move on with.

If he keeps the physical contact going even after breaking up with you, he didn’t want to be your “friend” he wanted a friendship with some added perks. Some women think that this arrangement will make getting back together easier, but it’s really the opposite. Chances are good that getting back together completely is the last thing on his mind, but saying no can be difficult.

Sex can bring couples back together, especially when it’s combined with other techniques that can get his mind, his heart and his emotions back in line with the physical action. Otherwise the connection is just not there the way it used to be. If you have a suspicion that he’s just after sex without considering the possibility of more, think before you hit the sheets. You may wake up with a broken heart in the morning – and you may be doing it alone.

Friendship is simply a step that leads to a complete disconnection – a bump in the road. Maybe your ex will turn to you if he’s bored or lonely or wants a hookup. Maybe he’ll start dating again and you’ll be forced to “support” him as he moves on. It’s best to make a clean break now before your feelings get hurt even worse.

Knowing How To Respond

Any guy that offers friendship in place of an established relationship is either looking to put off the process of losing you completely or looking to branch out and consider his options. If you fall for this trick, you’re playing right into his hands. He can keep tabs on you and still sleep around or even find himself a new girlfriend. You need to stand your ground and tell him no.

“I just can’t be friends with you. I can’t just pretend that I don’t have feelings for you anymore. If I can’t be with you, then I can’t be your friend either. I’m not interested in a pretend friendship when I’d rather be with you”

You can always let him know that he can get in touch with you if something changes. Leave the door of possibility open. Let him know that you still have hope for a potential, lasting relationship with him. Then it’s time to go.

His Reaction to Your News

He may not accept that you’ve walked away from the friendship. It may be difficult to process. If he tries to maintain the friendship despite your conversation, just remind him that sometimes things can’t stay the same. He changed the rules when he broke up with you. You’re changing the rules by realizing you no longer want to maintain a friendship. Tell him that the friendship is doing nothing for you, and it’s time to move on.

This is the pivotal moment. No matter what has been said up to this point, your ex will be forced to take stock of the situation he got himself into and he will have no one to blame but himself. The whole situation will have been turned upside down. He thought he could control it, but he was very wrong. You’re looking to make your escape and walk out of his life for good and that’s not what he expected to happen. He’s going to realize almost immediately that he’s put everything on the line and it may be crumbling. He’ll wonder why you’ve made this decision and his imagination will start to run wild. What if you already met someone else? What if you don’t need him anymore? Everything’s changed at this crucial moment and he is going to have to process this abrupt change of pace.

Until now, your ex-boyfriend has never had to deal with all the uncomfortable aspects of your breakup. He’s been cushioned behind the “friendship” card, and has never had to consider what his life would be like without you. This is the first time that everything is hitting home, and it’s hitting him full force. He either has to decide that he may still want to be with you or he risks never seeing you again.

No guy that pulls the friend card ever thinks that he’ll be left in the dust by the girl he just broke up with. It doesn’t even cross the radar. It seems impossible and stupid, and he never thought in a million years that he’d be in this situation.

Once the decision has been made to end the friendship, mean it. Don’t communicate with him or answer his calls or texts. He should be making good friends with your voicemail if he’s still calling. If necessary, remove the temptation. Turn your phone off. Get away from home for a few days. Do whatever it takes to stick to your guns and stay strong.

He’s panicking and this is exactly what you wanted to happen. You need him to realize that he misses you. You need him to see you the way he used to before any of this happens and start pursuing you again. You need to take back your own power in this dynamic, and you’ve done it. Now is not the time for weakness and answering his calls just because.

Turn the Breakup Around

The only thing you have to do successfully to get your ex-boyfriend back is to make him want you like he used to. It won’t just happen overnight – you have to do some legwork. In order for this to happen, you have to make it happen. It’s time to get up and get moving.

Take him outside of his comfort zone. If he knows he can get ahold of you any time he wants, he’ll get comfortable in the friendship and not see you as anything more. You cannot be his emotional foothold if you want to get him back.

Why change a situation that you’re comfortable in? It’s easier to keep things the way they are. That’s why he won’t consider getting back together as long as you two are friends. It’s easy for him, and it’s going to stay that way unless you do something about it. In order for him to miss you, you need to be gone. That’s the only way he can fully realize what he’s lost and want to get you back.

Distancing and Creating Unavailability

While the decision to several all ties may seem difficult, it’s not as hard as it sounds. You may feel as though you’re losing him for good, but he feels the same way. In order to get back together, this step is a necessary part of the process, and you’re doing it for your own good.

The longer you can go without reestablishing contact, the better. Think about your dreams for the future and what life will be like once you do reconnect. Positive thinking has a huge impact on affecting the reality in the way we want – it can turn your situation around.

You want to spend this valuable time on you. Improve the things that you feel like you need to work on. Revitalize your mental and physical state and realize that you’re strong and capable of anything you want as long as you have to courage to fight for it. You need to think about those emotional attachments the two of you shared and implement some easy, proven techniques for bringing those feelings back to the surface for him.

He’ll start thinking about you again without even realizing it. But that step isn’t going to happen as long as you pretend like you’re fine being his friend. If you’re just one of the guys, he’s never going to see you as a potential mate, partner or more. That means you need to break the ties of friendship, take a few steps back and focus on getting him back for good.

Your Next Step

The best system that you can use when you are in the friend zone and your ex doesn’t see you romantically, is the M3 System by Michael Griswold. One of the modules teaches you how to use Facebook to get your ex boyfriend interested in you again and make him see you as a potential girlfriend, not just a friend. The Facebook Ju Jitsu module concentrates on using Facebook as a tool to create mystery and desire for you again. It will show you how to interact with your ex boyfriend on Facebook to make him curious about you and want to get back together.

Other modules in the system aim to reverse your break up entirely, make him regret breaking up with you and realise that you are the only girl for him. If he is ignoring you right now, you will learn effective techniques to make him stop non communication and make him chase you again.

Watch the free video that gives you an introduction to this course and what you should expect to learn. It is in both, written, video and audio format and you can instantly download it and get started right away.

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