How To Get Him Back Using Psychological Techniques
Watching a once-close bond slowly deteriorate is extraordinarily difficult, especially when combined with the pain of a breakup. All the advice you’re getting from your friends contradicts itself and there is way too much conflicting information online to know where to begin. You want to maximize your chances and you feel like your time is running out. You haven’t heard from your ex in days and he refuses to respond to any of your texts or messages. He’s behaving in a way that’s nothing like the person you thought you knew and all you want to do is get your warm, sensitive boyfriend back
- but you don’t know how.
Don’t be so discouraged – you’re going through a hard situation, but it’s not an uncommon one. Everyone in the world is faced with the same problems you’re dealing with at some point or another. Breakups happen every single day – but reunions happen as well. Thousands of people worldwide are getting back together with their ex’s all the time. If they can do it, so can you.
Remember that no matter what caused your breakup, it is possible to get your ex-boyfriend back. There are many different ways to make this possibility a reality – and many of those ways will possibly lead you to a dead end. There is no magic solution to rekindling a romance with your ex-boyfriend that universally works in every situation. The important thing for you to do right now is to keep hoping, and to find the path that leads you towards a reconnection – and not away from one.
Choosing The Right Path
Picking the right course of action is vital to your chances of success. If you choose the wrong one, you may have to face the reality that your relationship is gone completely. You don’t want to cause him to run from you, and you don’t want to act in a way that makes him increasingly uncomfortable. By taking the right course of action at the right moment, you can successfully win back your relationship – and you can do it a lot quicker than you may think.
Your common sense and intelligence is going to be your greatest ally throughout the process. Social connections are not always an instinctual behavior – you can learn to be more comfortable in settings that once set you on edge. You can also improve your skills at reconnecting with an ex and to get your relationship back. Unlike some skills that you either have or you don’t, this set of skills can be improved upon. The more mentally prepared you are and the more knowledge you have about where your ex is mentally, the better your chances of getting him back.
It’s no question that timing plays a pivotal role in breakups and get-togethers. You have to play your cards right and lay them down at the right moment or all your carefully laid plans can backfire. If you act too aggressively, you could send him headed for the hills. If you act too slowly or not at all, he can move on with his life and leave you behind.
Your beginning steps are often the most important steps you can take. You should examine your options and become well-versed in these specific techniques in order to prepare yourself as much as possible for the road ahead. Before you make a single move towards your ex, make sure you’ve got the advantage.
Don’t Fall for the Common Mistakes
It’s hard to think rationally when someone you love is breaking up with you. Keeping a cool head is almost impossible. The most important time in this whole process is during the breakup itself and the time immediately afterwards. Your behavior at these critical moments can be game-changers in the process of getting your ex-boyfriend back. They can determine what path must be taken – and how difficult that path may be. Most women commonly will take drastic and often counter-productive actions during the initial stages of an unwanted breakup simply for the sake of taking action. They think that doing anything is better than doing nothing – and that’s a big mistake to make.
Anything you do or say at this time will most likely be met with extreme resistance and be blown out of proportion. Not only are your emotions at a heightened state, but his are as well. No matter how calm and collected he’s pretending to be, that doesn’t reflect any of his true feelings. Doing drastic things at this point or saying things in the heat of the moment will only make your situation much more difficult to reverse over time.
It’s normal to react strongly to a breakup that you don’t want to happen. Your emotions are in crisis-mode and you’re extremely vulnerable. With so many thoughts and come-backs and verbal blows swimming around in your head, it’s easy to just spit them all out without thinking first. You need to be aware of your own state of mind and try to avoid acting or speaking without thinking about what you’re doing first.
Don’t Say Something You Will Later Regret
It’s easy to say things that you later regret when you’re encountering a situation that is hard to handle. You want to lash out and act – anything you can to try and protect yourself for soften the blow or hurt him back somehow. But these instinctual reactions do more harm than good. They don’t prevent the breakup from happening. They don’t prepare or protect you from the emotional blow, and they don’t do you any favors in your ex’s mind.
You need to remain in control as much as possible, no matter how difficult that may seem. Don’t start following your ex around. Don’t leave him hour-long voicemails vowing to change your ways if he’ll only give you another chance. Crying, begging, throwing things – none of these will have the desired effect. You’re only ruining your chances of an easy reconciliation down the road.
Keep Your Distance
Thinking that you can talk to your ex and keep him in your life immediately following a breakup is a potentially huge mistake. All of your conversations will somehow lead back to your relationship. Pretty soon, he’ll start responding to your messages altogether, and he won’t pick up the phone. The last thing any guy wants to deal with is an ex who won’t leave them alone – especially immediately following a breakup. They’ll see her as needy, desperate or clingy. Any of those behaviors will only reinforce their decision to break up with you – not encourage them to change their minds.
Don’t Pressure Him
If your ex starts to feel pressured, he will start running in the opposite direction. He will start seeing you in an extremely negative way, and that impression is going to be a hard one to change. He’s not going to want to hear from you for a while, and if you are continually trying to make contact he will only grow more and more uncomfortable. Any awkwardness will make reconciliation much harder down the road. Remember, breakups hurt both parties despite who called it off. It’s important for him to have his own space in order to process all the conflicting emotions and thoughts he’s having as well. Time apart is exactly what the doctor ordered – for both of you.
The Best Post-Breakup Plan
Immediately following a breakup, you need to do the one thing that you really don’t want to do. It may be one of the hardest things you’ll have to do, but it is necessary for your own mental and emotional wellbeing as well as your chances for getting back together. You need to let him go.
You need to make sure that you leave the relationship the way you entered it – with your self-respect intact. More importantly for your reconciliation chances, you’re leaving it with his continued respect as well. Resorting to immature or catty behaviors right now is not healthy for anyone, and you don’t want to resort to things like that. You’ve probably seen other girls behave that way – how well did it work out for them? If your ex-boyfriend loses the respect he has for you, getting back together simply isn’t possible. Why would you want to be with someone who has no respect for you? Why would he?
The best part of this plan is what it’s going to cause in the mind of your ex. Everyone who ends a relationship expects (at least a little bit) for their ex to put up some resistance. Having an ex chase after you is a huge boost to the ego for guys and girls. It makes them feel desirable and wanted – and it lets them know that they have a fallback plan in case things don’t work out. By not providing that, your ex is going to immediately start wondering what’s up. He’s going to be at a loss and immediately lose some of the high ground that he thought he had. Unlike the feeling of power he expected, he’s going to feel somewhat rejected by YOU – and that’s not a feeling that he’s going to like.
He was making certain assumptions about you and your feelings for him and was sure that he was going to be proven right. He set himself up for you to fight back – probably rehearsed things to say just in case. He’s confident that you still love him and that you will do anything possible to try and get him back. The last thing he expected (or wanted) was for you to simply let go and allow him to leave.
Even though you DO still love him, and you do want him back, allowing him to see that right now is not in your best interest. By walking away cleanly and avoiding making a difficult situation even harder, he’s got no choice but to start questioning your feelings and your intentions. Why was it so easy for you to leave when he’s probably been thinking about the breakup for weeks? Why didn’t you fight him? Is it possible that you don’t feel anything for him anymore? He has no clue where you’re coming from, and that will drive him crazy.
Why Simple Acceptance Works
There’s a lot of information available on why accepting a breakup is the best possible course of action. It’s simple when you stop to think about it. By breaking up with you, your boyfriend believes that he’s in a position of power and control – he’s calling the shots and making the decisions. By accepting his decision and not fighting back, you are taking some of that power back and putting yourself in a better position from which to launch your next move.
In order to be successful at getting him back, you can’t be the helpless, emotional, vulnerable girl that he thinks you are. You need to be strong and powerful. You need to control the situations and your course of action and plan ahead. If you go into it as the underdog already, you’ve already undermined your own chances.
He spent a long time imagining the breakup in his mind before it ever actually took place. He’s gone through countless possible scenarios and tried to prepare for any comeback you could throw at him – but he NEVER imagined a scenario where you simply accepted the breakup and walked out. Not once. Every time you can act in a way outside the lines, you are asserting more control over your own situation and not letting him get the upper hand. This advantage can put you in a position to win him back and overcome the obstacle of the breakup. He can’t argue with you if you agree with him. All it does is set you up for success.
He Already Left Me – What Do I Do Now?
The above advice isn’t as helpful if your breakup has already taken place. If you reacted emotionally or impulsively to the breakup when it occurred, you can’t conceivably find a way to agree with it after the fact, but it’s not too late to act in a way that gets the same result. These tips are a little different from the ones already listed, but they accomplish the same end. It’s still possible to acquiesce to your ex’s wishes and remove yourself from the situation more gracefully than you initially managed.
Taking this course of action now works even if contact between you and your ex has been spotty or even non-existent. It allows communication to be re-established and show him that you’ve changed for the better and that you’re ready to move forward.
Other Plans of Action
The world is full of options when you’re faced with an unexpected or unwanted breakup. No matter the direction you choose, the first steps are often the most vital to influencing your later success. Avoid making impulsive judgments or decisions and much as possible.
In order to avoid contacting your ex, take steps to remove him from your line of sight. While you can’t simply force your mind to forget someone that you love, you can do things that make you think of him less and less though and these involve thought triggers. Delete his number from your phone – at least temporarily. Get rid of any saved texts that you were holding onto. Take the pictures you have of the two of you together and give them to a friend to hold onto for a time until you are more comfortable. Avoiding these triggers can allow your mind to focus on other things. Hopefully when you do still think of him, it will be easier to refocus your thoughts on something more productive.
Your Next Step – T.W. Jackson’s “The Magic of Making Up”
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